One of those mornings/days/weeks.

After a bloody good run of feeling great for the past few weeks it has all come crashing down this week. Starting with a hangover on Monday morning which was accompanied by a mysterious swollen hand  (apparently I fell over in my over-exuberance to pat a dog...) and followed by the decision to take a day off work, meaning I will be 8 hours down on this week's pay cheque, it has just sort of plateaued at that level and I find myself here on Wednesday having a shitty week being forced to watch my manager wipe his nose and then his face with a hanky as he splutters his way through his shitty week. Not fun. I have no energy, no motivation, no desire to do anything other than curl up in bed and watch kung-fu movies but even that is difficult as there is no tv in my bedroom, and in this state of self-pitying I want to watch movies on a proper tv screen. Instead I will try to push on through, run a stupid event for even stupider people tomorrow night and just get through the working week before I can make time to complete and submit a job application. I guess I had been on a bit of a high when I was called in for an interview for another job, but the low probably started when I realised I was going to be stuck in my current situation for a while longer as the 'new' job didn't stand up to its description's hype. So, here I am, another day, a few [more] dollars down, trying to find some sort of energy to assist with the obligations I have to fulfil today while at the same time trying not to see the man opposite me wiping his face and nose constantly.

It's just one of those days, so was yesterday, where you feel hopeless and hapless and wish something bright would happen but everything just feels grey. I want to talk about it, but there isn't really anything to say so I'll just bang on about it here where no one will be annoyed by my whinging and whining since no one is reading this. Grey grey grey. Even the thought of my little house is densely grey, the confines of the close-set walls are sometimes just too small to feel like anything more than butter could be spread in there (wings, is what I was thinking, not legs...). Lost, stuck and grey - not a great combo of feelings. White chocolate is helping a bit. The man sitting opposite me sniffling his way through the day is not.